Welcome to 2014

01 Jan 2014 Leave a comment

by jes in Life, My health Tags: , , ,

18 1/2 hours in, and honestly, it doesn’t feel any different from any previous year. I still don’t understand the big deal of celebrating a new year. Is there a point to it? If so, can someone please explain it to me? Shouldn’t we try to better ourselves all year round, not just the first couple weeks of January, before tapering off and sinking into our same old routines again?

Tomorrow, I will be calling the scheduler to find out when my MRI will be for my knee. I’m anxious to move forward, because I’m tired of dealing with the pain. I’m hoping they can fit me in rather soon, so that we can get this moving.

I did my volunteer work with the kitties today, and that made me think of my earlier “contemplate three good things every day” assignment that my psychologist had given me. Today, I came up with four.

  1. I spent 2 1/2 hours with homeless kitties, making them feel loved and less lonely. Especially Chloe, who seems to be a purebred Norwegian forest cat. I sat in with her for 40 minutes, and when I left to go buy food for Tiggy, she stood up and pressed her face to the bars until I came back again and sat with her some more.
  2. I made a padded bed for Tiggy to lay on. He’s taken to laying on one of the newly cleaned off shelves in my room, and I thought he’d like to have a little padding on top of the hard laminate shelving. So, I put some batting in a pillowcase and made him a squishy bed. He approves of my offering.
  3. I offered to let someone cut in line at the grocery store, because he only had one item and I had about 20. He graciously declined, but at least I offered.
  4. I bought myself a beautiful red-flowered plant for my desk at work to brighten things up a bit. I don’t know what it’s called, but it has clumps of little red flowers all over it, and it’s just the right size to sit on the shelf next to my desk.

It may not seem like anything special, but each one of those items made me feel good about myself, and that’s the most important thing. I forget to put myself first a lot. I always try to help others and I’m terrible at saying no to someone when they say they need help, so I’m trying to remember that I need to put my health and well-being first, and to only say yes if it’s not going to have a detrimental impact on myself.

I’m really looking forward to the day when I can start exercising again and try to get back into shape. I feel like a lazy bum when I park in the handicap spot close to the door and hobble inside, even though my doctor agrees that it’s a necessary evil right now. I’m doing what yoga poses I can that don’t impact my knee or my spine too badly, but I miss long walks. Hopefully by my birthday, that will be back on my list of three good things.

Shikata ga nai

24 Aug 2013 Leave a comment

by jes in Faith, Life Tags: , , ,

The rough translation of that phrase is “It cannot be helped, so don’t worry about it.” This has been my constant motto over these past 11 months, most especially in the past two months when my life started unravelling at a faster pace than usual. I tell myself that wasting time and energy over something one has no control over only causes stress and heartache for the person who is worrying, because worrying alone will not solve anything. That is, of course, always easier said than done. It is human nature to worry about things we cannot control. Living in California, I get asked a lot if I worry about “the big one” earthquake which will level everything and cause massive destruction and loss of life. I don’t worry about it, because I don’t have the ability to stop an earthquake from happening. Living in the Carolinas, I was frequently asked if I worried about hurricanes. Again, why worry about something that may or may not happen. The outcome is going to be the same no matter what. I do try to prepare myself for any eventuality, and do what I can to minimize my own personal losses if one of these disasters were to strike.

What about the little things, though? If you worried about every little thing, you wouldn’t have any time to enjoy the life you have and to make plans to make things better in the future. This has been a very turbulent two months for me. At times, it felt like the universe was “out to get me” but it’s not personal. Things happen that you cannot control, and you either have to accept it, or find a solution. As soon as I stopped worrying about what was going to potentially happen, everything came together. It’s not that the universe was out to get me, it was just that I was worrying so much about hypothetical situations and problems that may have happened that I didn’t realize that whatever was going to happen was going to happen whether I worried about it or not.

I’m not advocating doing nothing and just hoping for the best, but rather to stop worrying about what could or could not happen. Everything does happen for a reason, even if you don’t know what the reason is. Sometimes the answer is not the one that you were expecting, but it’s the right one for right now. I have been very vocal about my dislike of San Diego, and keep talking about how I want to get out of here and get back to my adopted home state of South Carolina, but all I’ve done so far is talk. I can give a dozen reasons for why I haven’t done anything towards that goal, but the simple answer is that it’s just not the right time yet. When it’s time, it will happen.

Since my last post, my two most pressing concerns have been solved. The foster cat that I took in to look after has been adopted to a wonderful couple whom I know will make her very happy, and she them. I have also settled my housing situation, at least temporarily, until I am ready to move forward in whatever direction life sends me. Maybe I won’t end up in South Carolina again. Maybe I’ll end up somewhere completely different. It doesn’t matter. I will find my happiness wherever I go, by always remembering to be the best me that I can be, and not worrying about everything else. As John Lennon once said, “Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans.”

I envy small children in the fact that every new day is filled with new and wonderful things. As an adult, I have to remind myself that this is the life I have, and that it is my choice as to whether I will enjoy it, or be miserable. So, I stop to smell the roses (figuratively – sometimes they are other flowers instead), and I laugh out loud when I see a child or an animal just enjoying being in the now, and I remind myself that, while every day may not be a good one – today was a horrible emotional roller coaster for me –  there is beauty in the world. Stop and look around and really look at the life you’re living in. If you are unhappy with it, you have the power to change it. It may be a small change, or it may be a large one, but don’t continue to be unhappy by doing the same thing(s) that are making you unhappy. Do something special for yourself, because you are the most important person in your own life. And stop worrying about things you can’t change. Either let go of the worry, or find a way to change it for the better. And if all else fails, find a kitten or a puppy to snuggle with (or maybe a snake or a gerbil, or some other creature that makes you happy). Life goes on. 

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